Ghungroo - The Bells

I didn't sleep last night, I just couldn't. Seriously, not even a minute of sleep and I am feeling fresh like a rose petal today. I am not trying to feel bad for myself or feel low for self here, but I want to understand the logic behind this weird feeling. What is it which keeps a person up and going for hours? May be anxiousness, Or may be dreams...

Last night, seriously, throughout, I was kept thinking about the responsibility I got on my head when someone told me that he/she likes me...Boy!!! Its a damn big responsibility on my head. It is a damn big image to save!

I think now I probably have to behave the way he/she like me to behave, but then I wonder why so? May be cos I don't want this person to not like me. Or may be I am worried that my real me (whatever that means) is unlike able. Or may be I want to shoo him away. Who knows - the anxiety is hard to handle.

Years ago,I was other kind of person, when I tried to please everyone...when I wanted everybody to like me...when I tried my best to love everyone I knew. This was possible but I think I wasn't at peace. This weird persona made me a strange human inside, because I was all of a sudden one personality in one group and another in some other group. I was the shine of my all friends parties and I was the one who used to be the life of group...but I know, I wasn't always truthful to myself, I wasn't always right. And if someone doesn't like me, I used to feel bad, anxieties used to kill me.... Only few years ago, I started working on not liking everyone and not to be liked by all.

Today I am a bit lost when this person tells me, "V, I really like you...I mean I don't know much about you, but as much as I know you...I like you!"

Phew!!!

He is probably 28 or 30 years old. Every time, I see him or I speak with him, he give me an impression as if life hasn't served him the way he wanted life to be there for him Or may be he is one of those fortunate people, who see the world in its different colors, shades and shapes .

He is a very cute and handsome guy, and may be smart too. Sometimes, I just feel like holding him in my arms and giving him a tight hug, the kind of hugs I got from my Papa, and while holding him tight, I feel like saying,"Everything will be alright, Trust thee...keep the faith, HE will help you get over the crap." But I can't even look into his eyes, cos I can't feel pity for him. I chose not to feel pity for anyone, but may be I still do.

I seriously wish I could hold him tight and stop feeling this emotion of maternity in me, and within my world! I wish I can accept the feel and the want to kiss him, and say,"everything will be alright...."

This sentiment of being the mother is still with in me, it is still helping me live with the emotion....which I aborted on Thursday, March 17, 1999.

tik tik tik
shoot the clock
kill the time
tik tik tik
Stop it!!!
stop itttt!!!
the emptiness of room
the silence of the crowded emotions
tik tik tik
the ocean inside is brewing
the eye lids are holding it tight
tik tik tik
stop the time
shut off this clock
the crowd is pushing limits
the mind of heart cant bear the silence
tik tik tik
I am again feeling it
inside me
out side me
the life........
walking past by me
tik tik tik


Vim copyright 2009

Life is not a story from Desperate housewives show, it cant be; but we all want to live that life. We all want a life, which has some troubles, more happiness and at the end of each episode or each day,all the troubles get disappear like a morning mist.

Life is not a sad moment, but its for sure is full of MOMENT....its full of memories.

Life is the actual catharsis of many films, and films are few chosan moments from life.

This moment of my life, to those housewives, who have a life, even if they are not desperate to be one's wife...

Overwhelmed me...

Uncanny me, but interesting we,

Unknown silence within us...

Unwanted touch of you on to my soul,

When you were never here in me...

When I felt you in my heart,

When I became...fun, but strange human

Who gave shapes to clouds

Who called names to creatures,

so to become the creator!!!

I created....

To find truth with in

To create images without you

in our soul for us!!!

Copyright © 2009 Vim