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why do we need sexual relationships?
Why do we need to have a physical need fulfilled?
Why do we girls are in to emotional sex and not just sex?
Why do we just give up if we are not happy with it?
Why human nature change its shape or way cos we are happy in physical relations?

Why? Why? Why? Why?

I want to know...I want to know cos its been long I am fighting back my emotions to ask this question, since probably when I was 20 years more than 30 now so I need to know the reply...I need it...please explain me, guys/gurls...anyone...
Do you have answer to it?

What would you Choose?

What makes us egoistic?
What is proud?
What is self respect?
Why do we get egoistic or proud?

I am a very self respective person, my self respect is very important to me and I like to keep myself in check of my self respect so it should not turn into proud or ego. I am a self made person and I have tried and applied different ideas on me and have become what I am today and whatever I have turned into I am proud of me. I am happy with my own self...I still need many changes but its going to take time, alot of time...cos again I have to start trying new things ;)

Ok, who am I? I am a female, who was born in India and now in US. I am professionally Producer and stylist and love acting(have degrees and certificates too) singing alone(am really a bad singer) Listening to Music(my choice is not everybody's flavor)
I love living(who doesn't) I love to write, and I love to chill out...I do get mad & angry once in a while but I have to take out the negativity too.

I am a very egoistic person when it comes to last word with my hubb, or when I cook something and I am not happy with it, but I wont show it...I will make sure everyone give me attention or like a baby I will loose interest from that place or event. I am a fun witty weird person, my all friends are very careful with their words cos I can easily make fun of them with their words....anyways....

Thats all about me...I want to know why do we become egoistic? Why do we turn in to over self respect? I need suggestions, feel free to email me, comment me or whatever....


I saw him...after years of separation:
Felt as if...
as if its me,
Hidden me..
Lost me...
Inside me...
Outside me..
with me...
without me..

Wish I was a bit softer to him!!!
May be he would have been mine!!!
May be he would have changed!!!
Or may be I was more accepting!!!

Think of those sweet moments,
Not the sadness,
is it true that he could have been mine?

She says:

Life is fun when I drink.....does this means I am drinking too much....or is it Christmas feel right now? Donno but since 3 days am drinking every night...its bad, very bad, very very bad......jeez!!! I should not drink today, but today is Xmas Eve...

I need to hold my over flowing emotions...


Ok I wont write for 3 hours.








Am feeling better. I need some you have wine glasses?

(described the exact way my drunk friend told me to describe)

The Kiss N Perfect One

A gazal - Honthon se choo lo tum
Mera geet amar kar do...

Once upon a time there was a girl, Crazy, Fun & Stupid. When she was teen, She used to think if someone will try to kiss her lips (mind it, only lips) it means he loves her(wow!!! that was easy) and if he will be able to kiss her means she loves him too (More easier)...She lived in this spirit, in this fantasy for few years. Then she finished her High school - expecting, that her perfect one will come one day, same way her friends got their perfect ones...she will meet her perfect one too...

She joined college, Life took a strange turn - her Sis got married, without any notice, any celebrations. It took her off the 'Love' feelings, she started hiding her 'kiss N perfect one' emotion inside her, from her. This hiding didn't helped her cos it made her cut herself from world, she could not find any specific reason - but may be she saw pain in her parents eyes, may be the concept of 'kiss N perfect one' was shredding, or may be she was just living each day at times...may be.

She gave herself a break and joined a Camp, cos that camps basics were basics of her & theater - her 2 favorite things in the world. She actually started enjoying it, Se met so many people, made so many friends - she was happy, once again. She was herself again, outgoing normal girl.

And she met 'Him' in that group. 'He' was a nice guy, he had tons of experience in her interests, he knew the inside-outsides of those destinations, she was choosing as her future. They became friends. They started talking, tons of topics, lot of words, each day, everyday...

And one day 'His' friend joined in...then it was a 3 people team, they worked together, ate together, discussed all most all topics of the world together. There was never ending topics & talks from any thing to everything of this world - talk of love, romance, fantasies and life was always the major topics, considering their was normal. Everyone talked about their wishful love moments and romantic encounters etc etc

Few days passed by and one day 'His' friend offered her a ride to her home, she accepted, as they were friends now. He really took her for a ride, a drive and then suddenly stopped at remote area, for a cigarette...she argued and he shut her mouth with a kiss...she was confused, more than ever. It was 'His' friend, it was not 'Him'. "Whats going on?" she kept asking herself and got no reply...Confused night put a blanket on every feeling.

Next day she wanted to see some storm, some Halchal, some movement, something from Him and from herself...nothing happened...nothing at all. days passed by - All friends seem same, everything looked similar - 'He' was still there, his friend too. No comment, no questions no nothing about that evening. Camp wrapped up in few days. All left to their destinations. Every single kid loved her, her dedication, her work. She kept receiving tons of post cards & letters for whole year and year passed by so quietly.

Next year camp started again - she was asked again to join & she did joined. Again she met wonderful talents, kids and met 'Him'& his friend...A confusion, a stupid emotion tried to take over her for few seconds, but right away she felt mature, she handled it well.

One of the days in camp 'He' met her after the busy day's work, took her in the corner & asked her a question, "why did you kissed my friend?" Before she could say a word, he continued, "why not me too...why didn't you kissed me and only my friend?" She thought he is joking, but no...suddenly 'He' snatched her glasses, throw them on floor & pushed her to the wall...came over to her face, held her tight, so she could not move, and tried to kiss her...and she could see only nasty looks in his eyes, ugly face of 'Him'

She pulled her full power and kicked between his legs with her knee...he was not ready for this so he fell down and she ran away...far far away, where she could never see him or even his shadow ever again...

few years later, she read in local news paper that 'He' is been killed by his Friend, over some girl...and her revenge was taken care of...

(Based on few personal experience & few imaginations)

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