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I was working on a video today and I was DP - Director of Photography. I was excited and happy to have the paying gig and on top of that with 2 of my favorite people in the world, Eric and HIM...but I guess I should stop working with these people from now on. They both love me and I love them a lot. I missed the feeling of being the independent one when I worked with HIM, its always been like this but I still work with him cos he knows what is he doing and why is he doing and I enjoy that professionalism in him and Eric is such a nice guy that he will not say a word unless and until something is really bothering him.

I am sad cos by working with my ex I gave the permission to let him treat me the way he used to treat me before I turned his ex. I know it clearly that he is the one who treat woman nice and who is a extremely sweet person when it comes to girls...specially sexy looking ones. If there was someone else but me was the DP then he would have been nice and sweet, but he wasn't...oh well.....gone is gone - learn from the lessons.

I enjoyed the day working on the skills I learned sometime back and getting paid for it. I was an actress and this is how I started my media life...I turned into the owner of a company called Fearless...I was great at that position cos I know how to be leader. I was a bad producer when it comes to doing tons of things on my own but in few months I learned tricks and shortcuts - by working on things and commercials. I became a wonderful person who knows her stuff. Slowly slowly I learned how to read and write a script. I became a writer for my own stuff...and then came the time to learn technical stuff and I learned a voice recording, camera and lighting...and a bit of editing too... The time came when I was proud to call myself "Film Maker" and yes I made small time shorts etc....but after moving to USA I couldn't find anything which can satisfy me...I became useless and took me months to decide I don't want to be with the the guy who is my husband...and who is an ass. It took me long time to come to terms with working for cheap money and adjusting into that, then came the time when I started understanding my skills again and I bounced still bouncing slowly slowly but I have tried and am on it....going on and on and on!!!

Need love and blessings from friends!!!

I guess am done ranting...raving!


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