"Babies come with silver spoon in their mouth" this was told to me by someone...just a day back. My reaction, really? Then why do babies beg on streets? Why do homeless babies are available in every single county of the world? WOW!!!!!! babies come with a silver spoon in their mouth.
Just a random thought, while trying to repress my emotions for a baby....
AHA!!!! New year is going to be here soon...lets see how was my 2007:
Like 32 previous years of my life, this year was wonderful too...I had new experiences and new fun moments and this time I was in New Country too, which has put its own spices into my life. One whole month is still in front of me, but it feels like time is running away...faster than Air and Light, so here is my 2007...
2007- A year, which is slipping away...slowly slowly, but at the same time running away too:
A wonderful year for me and my husband, another year to grow with myself. In the earlier months of 2007 Migration to US did felt a bit weird as I was alone & US didn't felt my own, but over the months these situations helped me understand myself. I Missed India, cried for it, wrote a lot about it and now getting over the crying part, not the missing & writing part though :)
On one level, it was a great feeling to have somethings and on another level that specific thing bothered me. I matured enough inside me more than outside in last one year that sometimes I wonder if I am the same girl, who was always bubbly and funny almost every second. I had lived some gracious moments and some embarrassed ones of my life in past but in last one year all those seems more useless, I have stopped wearing makeup and styling since almost 3 years but this year I was completely out of show offs of world. Well USA has alot to do in it...Anyways, I Made new friends here. Had Adventurous time together with Snehal. I should not have but still Consumed more alcohol than any other year. I Took the chance of traveling to wonderful new places in US, Enjoyed some new cultures, different foods and unknown languages. Explored some new places around here. Adopted two cats, Sultaan and Raeyna aka chutki, the most wonderful babies one can have.I cant live with out cats anymore. As any other person, I also turned a year older, still didn't felt bad about it, I gained some 35 pounds, but still did not felt too weird out. Found some Grey hair and thought of not coloring them ever. Found love and passion for life more than ever.
finally got the chance to solve some rotten issues and some black scars of life. I Took some more new risks and new responsibilities. On other note, Am still trying new career options and new business deals.
The biggest thing was I finalized a final goal to grow old with, old goals seems impractical & most of them I have achieved somewhere. As part of my new goal, I want to open a NGO and I have taken new step towards it. It makes me relax and happy. I always wanted to make Documentaries, so I did it...I made my Documentary about Defining America, its editing is yet not done, but slow and steady is me.
I finally took legal license for the first time in my life ( I used to drive illegally in India for years)
etc etc etc etc...........
Oh gosh!!!! too much happened in 2007 and its still going on n on... Well, over all personally and professionally wonderfully satisfying 2007.
My boss gave me some new work, which is suppose to be confidential and I am not suppose to show to others so we finalsied that I will work from home for few days untill work is done and she will get the details by emails...I was very happy and relaxed cos I travel 3 hours to and from my work. I was relaxed to get payed 2 hours extra each day and no worry to get ready and go....I started working today(first day) form home. I started at 9 as usual (I use to start my travel at 9) and I will work untill 7 as usual but here I have cut down my traveling time...so I am working from home, which does seems weird cos I am lazying and working, am relaxing and working, am working similar percentage of work in 4 hours which I use to do in 3 hours, so my work is getting suffered a bit, but if I stop writing this blog, I might can concentrate on it more....back to work...from home.
What is Karma and what is Dharma?
For me Karma is doing right thing from heart, giving 100 percent & living the moment 100 percent...while doing my karma, I try to keep my mind calm and accepting to that specific thing you do...cos then I can give 100 percent. My karma is my daily acceptance of life, My acceptance towards humanity is my Karma and not hurting anyone is my Karma and not giving pain purposely to anyone is my Karma. To believe and to enjoy your faith is my karma.
Dharma is basically religion and My religion is believing in my own self, in my actions and in my love for myself & the power above me, who controls my emotions & let me control myself, and who take charge of me...this power could be anything...from elements to my fake believe or just a simple acceptance of someone. This power has nothing to do with Temples, Churches or Mosques or whatever. Having this power in me helps me do my Karma better so for me Karma is Dharma and Dharma is Karma.
I am writing this today cos I need to calm my mind to perform better and to keep myself inline with my Dharma and Karma...so here is my faith, probably a bit weird but truth from heart.
Life is somewhere all about Me, Myself and I.
Life is boring when I am pressurised to live same moments and same days over and over again. I hate doing it, but what if I get payed to do the same? Well that is known as JOB, and I am doing one...I hate it and I love it and I am doing it over and over again...this is what life is all about..live happily or not but live for money, money which dont even stay in your hand for long but give you access to do what one pleases to do during weekends and during their relax hours...but is this life? Should we call it happy living? Probably not but what about living without money, being homeless...is that a life?
So what is better - adjust with monotonous life or adjust to homeless life?
Chutki, my little one is waiting on one side of cloth tunnel so when Sultaan shows his face from other side she can just jump and hit him with her paws...she is becoming more naughtier and more cute baby...yes these are caties and I treat them as cats and as my babies as well...I want to be a Mommy soon, don't when it can happen cos its hard to start a new life in new country and then have a baby...I dont even have a licence to drive how can i think of baby (as if its the requirement to be Mom) I don't even have my own house or Condo (as if I will let baby sleep on road) I dont even have bank balance (as if I am going to feed my baby dollars) BUT this is how it is...I need to have a licence so I am free to be with my baby and my husband have no tensions of taking care of my baby (well he is yet not sure if he wants to have one or not) I need to have my own house or apartment so I am not worried of other people's property getting dirtier or ruined cos baby is allowed to do anything when he/she is in front of my eyes...I need to have bank balance cos if I will have money I can be full time Mom...BUT.......hate these questions and hate me to have wishes like normal girl...I am 32, yes I am old enough to have a baby of my own...I am allowed to cos I am married and I am adult so I can wish to give birth to one if I want...
BUT BIG QUESTION IS IS IT REALLY WHAT I WANT?
CAN I DO ALL BY MYSELF?
IF I COULD I WOULD.....
I found it on wikipedia(online encyclopedia) Snehal likes to Smoke Marijuana and I am totally against it, so I always keep doing research so he undertsand that how its bad for your health specially when you have quit and you slowly slowly start back on it....I wish I could show him and he could have given time ot read it.
"marijuana is at the root of many mental disorders, including acute toxic psychosis, panic attacks (one of the very conditions it is being used experimentally to treat), flashbacks, delusions, depersonalization, hallucinations, paranoia, depression, and uncontrollable aggressiveness. Marijuana has long been known to trigger attacks of mental illness, such as bipolar (manic-depressive) psychosis and schizophrenia"
"In the short term, marijuana use impairs perception, judgment, thinking, memory, and learning; memory defects may persist six weeks after last use. Mental disorders connected with marijuana use merit their own category in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) IV, published by the American Psychiatric Association. These include Cannabis Intoxication (consisting of impaired motor coordination, anxiety, impaired judgment, sensation of slowed time, social withdrawal, and often includes perceptual disturbances; Cannabis Intoxication Delirium (memory deficit, disorientation); Cannabis Induced Psychotic Disorder, Delusions; Cannabis Induced Psychotic Disorder, Hallucinations; and Cannabis Induced Anxiety Disorder.
In addition, marijuana use has many indirect effects on health. Its effect on coordination, perception, and judgment means that it causes a number of accidents, vehicular and otherwise."
"The main respiratory consequences of smoking marijuana regularly (one joint a day) are pulmonary infections and respiratory cancer, whose connection to marijuana use has been strongly suggested but not conclusively proven. The effects also include chronic bronchitis, impairment in the function of the smaller air passages, inflammation of the lung, the development of potentially pre-cancerous abnormalities in the bronchial lining and lungs, and, as discussed, a reduction in the capabilities of many defensive mechanisms within the lungs."
"The most potent argument against the use of marijuana to treat medical disorders is that marijuana may cause the acceleration or aggravation of the very disorders it is being used to treat.
Smoking marijuana regularly (a joint a day) can damage the cells in the bronchial passages which protect the body against inhaled microorganisms and decrease the ability of the immune cells in the lungs to fight off fungi, bacteria, and tumor cells. For patients with already weakened immune systems, this means an increase in the possibility of dangerous pulmonary infections, including pneumonia, which often proves fatal in AIDS patients.
Studies further suggest that marijuana is a general "immunosuppressant" whose degenerative influence extends beyond the respiratory system. Regular smoking has been shown to materially affect the overall ability of the smokerâ€™s body to defend itself against infection by weakening various natural immune mechanisms, including macrophages (a.k.a. "killer cells") and the all-important T-cells. Obviously, this suggests the conclusion, which is well-supported by scientific studies, that the use of marijuana as a medical therapy can and does have a very serious negative effect on patients with pre-existing immune deficits resulting from AIDS, organ transplantation, or cancer chemotherapy, the very conditions for which marijuana has most often been touted and suggested as a treatment. It has also been shown that marijuana use can accelerate the progression of HIV to full-blown AIDS and increase the occurrence of infections and Kaposis sarcoma. In addition, patients with weak immune systems will be even less able to defend themselves against the various respiratory cancers and conditions to which consistent marijuana use has been linked, and which are discussed briefly under "Respiratory Illnesses."
Am feeling tired of this age group in me, bored of mental state and annoyed of this job. Actually all thia is about job but its paying...its paying my bills and its making me stay active. I hate 9 to 5 style job, and love to have something of my own...but its a new country, yes after 13 months its still new and it bother my life. I want some purpose and some happiness in my work, be it production, styling or anything. This job at veoh is no happinessa dn it sucks. I have noone to share my problems with and I have no one to keep me relaxed.
Situation at home is not evry happy and relaxed either and it sucks more than job. Atleast at work I am myself, quite and doing somthing which am required to do...but I dont even know what I do at home...'HE' is same as usual...hard human to please and stupid man to understand. I cant write more here about this...I cant.
I need to work and live, but now meanings of living are changing and almost gone from my hand.
I want to sit quietly and think about my own self which is more than impossible thing for me, atleast at this point of my life.