I am happy, I was strong. I am satisfied, I didn't feel fear. I am relaxed, I did thought of every single thing before I react on it.
Well, I met HIM last night, to discuss those so called papers, the same paper work, which says that two married people are not married any more. He was the same man, I married, same jerk, who hurt me whenever he chose to. And I was the same emotional fool, who still think that, I am in love with HIM.
Well as HE is what HE is, so he did get mad at me, and angry to the extend, where he hit the glass table with his fist & then threw the pen and paper - and to the level where he started calling me names. He always used to get mad, its not new for me, the new thing in new year was from my side. I didn't take his crap, didn't reacted to his anger and I didn't hide in a corner, hoping him not to notice me, and to bring that fist on my face.
Last night I was as emotional as I am, but at that point, I didn't cry seeing him going out of control, instead I hold my tears back and faced him, directly in to his eyes while my heart was pounding in my chest. I said, "calm down." HE is after all what HE is, so he didn't calm down, and I left - without a word, without a sound, without saying bye to cats, no warning and I was out of the door.
I cried for hours after that. I also cursed the day, I loved him more than myself; I called out; infect screamed out loud; all kind of names; while driving to unknown destination.
Few hours later, when I found myself at my apartment, I felt " I was home"
I called out to myself, "honey, I am home..."