Ghungroo - The Bells

Today is Friday, November 21, 2008 and it is probably, a usual Friday for everyone and anyone, but it’s not that usual for me. I am going to sign my divorce papers so it gets file with the court on Monday. I know, I have been waiting for this day with hopes and with tears in my heart, but then I have no regrets, that this day is here. It had to come, so here it is. Today, it’s not black Friday, it has all shades in it, all colors are here, in equal amount, so it is a white Friday to me.

I wrote a lot in last year and half. I learn a lot with and without you. I managed my life, with my approach in last two years. From the day of moving to USA to today, life is not same anymore; my plans for life distorted, my ideas for being myself altered and I am a lot with peace and happiness. I, now have the power within me to live with relaxation and acceptance of personal self and acceptance of situations between you and me. I have more passion for living, much more drive to do a lot in life. I now have someone inside me, one happy and clear person, whom I lost somewhere, with you.

I am happy to be away from you. I am happy to have met you once in my life. I feel good that once you were my spouse. I am once again someone of my own in my life. I am able to accept for whatever you were to me; however you were with me and to yourself; yet I am thankful to you for encouraging me and my life. I do miss your intelligent existence in my life; although I am accepting life without you. I am optimistic for future. I am doing what is in my reach and I am able to manage, what I need, but I will never ever stop the search of better VIMMI in my life, the improved human within me, and the unsurpassed of my own hidden self.

Hopefully, you realize what you did to me and as I can just hope, so hoping that you never do this to anyone. I also hope that you move on in better life and towards better self, towards being the better human, not just the better filmmaker.

And yeah, thanks for breaking my many illusions, such as better actors are always better humans, better husbands are always nice people and the most important; to become a great filmmakers, one need to have better humanities.

Love to myself, hugs to you & self and hopes for both!

VJ
(A happy human, a peaceful divorcee)

The space between
you and I,
showed me the way...
the way to my own self
my own heart...

Today I have found,
myself
after long wait of
lost
and
found......

you were missed Vim.....


Copyright 2008 Vim

Lost in Horizon,
Your numb eyes...
I stared into them profoundly,
Found a picture of mine.

Lost in Horizon,
Your cherry lips...
I touched them,
Felt myself in it...

Lost in Horizon,
Your body - your skin...
I just looked at you,
You entered into my spirit…
Compound into my life.


Copyright 2008 Vim
At Taft house, LAYN.

The quest of touching,
Your lips…

That eagerness of your hands,
on my waist…

Those half closed eyes
Looking for someone else...

That rush feeling inside,
to finish it off…

or to start
a new I in you...

the UN-touched,
touch of emotions..

that lost me who
did find you...

BUT....

It wasn't you,
It was a dead dream…

Waking up,
Taking shape,

Living UN-me
To fill nd kill the moment!
To be someone
UN-known!

Copyright 2008 Vim

I speak...I speak to self,
tells it to write,
Self refuses - Wants to stick,
to the old sites...
I question, question to self,
Asks - Why? Why not?
Self says - Life is harsh,
to the little ones - they get no right!
They have to sulk in,
and sleep alone and tight!

I am confused!
Asks 'him' - didn't I feel you in me,
inside - the other day?
Didn't I cry for you,
On that Thursday?
Didn't I pray before...
before I aborted you...
my little self.


Copyright 2008 Vim

I am happy, surprised and a bit high right now. I am learning English writing for writers now a days. I shared my few poems with my teacher Nancy Shifrrin, a poet and writer herself. This is what she wrote back to me:

I'm enjoying your poems immensely. Your feelings are deep and well-expressed. You really communicate. There are places where your images are especially strong and fresh, for example:

If I Die
"you will remember me forever/but only in albums/life will still run/like a roaring engine"

Story of a Girl
"People say she is a pill now/who cures others' sickness/she is a fruit now/ who fills others stomachs/and she is a tissue now/who wipes others'
tears"

Keep free-writing to develop strong concrete images which will illustrate your feelings and cause the reader to see things in new ways.
"Story of a Girl" is the strongest of these poems because the turn toward the end causes the reader to feel and think more deeply.

We want your unique poems to be supported by great skills.

Best, Nancy