Ghungroo - The Bells

Life is boring when I am pressurised to live same moments and same days over and over again. I hate doing it, but what if I get payed to do the same? Well that is known as JOB, and I am doing one...I hate it and I love it and I am doing it over and over again...this is what life is all about..live happily or not but live for money, money which dont even stay in your hand for long but give you access to do what one pleases to do during weekends and during their relax hours...but is this life? Should we call it happy living? Probably not but what about living without money, being homeless...is that a life?

So what is better - adjust with monotonous life or adjust to homeless life?

Chutki, my little one is waiting on one side of cloth tunnel so when Sultaan shows his face from other side she can just jump and hit him with her paws...she is becoming more naughtier and more cute baby...yes these are caties and I treat them as cats and as my babies as well...I want to be a Mommy soon, don't when it can happen cos its hard to start a new life in new country and then have a baby...I dont even have a licence to drive how can i think of baby (as if its the requirement to be Mom) I don't even have my own house or Condo (as if I will let baby sleep on road) I dont even have bank balance (as if I am going to feed my baby dollars) BUT this is how it is...I need to have a licence so I am free to be with my baby and my husband have no tensions of taking care of my baby (well he is yet not sure if he wants to have one or not) I need to have my own house or apartment so I am not worried of other people's property getting dirtier or ruined cos baby is allowed to do anything when he/she is in front of my eyes...I need to have bank balance cos if I will have money I can be full time Mom...BUT.......hate these questions and hate me to have wishes like normal girl...I am 32, yes I am old enough to have a baby of my own...I am allowed to cos I am married and I am adult so I can wish to give birth to one if I want...


BUT BIG QUESTION IS IS IT REALLY WHAT I WANT?
CAN I DO ALL BY MYSELF?


IF I COULD I WOULD.....

I found it on wikipedia(online encyclopedia) Snehal likes to Smoke Marijuana and I am totally against it, so I always keep doing research so he undertsand that how its bad for your health specially when you have quit and you slowly slowly start back on it....I wish I could show him and he could have given time ot read it.




Excerpts:

"marijuana is at the root of many mental disorders, including acute toxic psychosis, panic attacks (one of the very conditions it is being used experimentally to treat), flashbacks, delusions, depersonalization, hallucinations, paranoia, depression, and uncontrollable aggressiveness. Marijuana has long been known to trigger attacks of mental illness, such as bipolar (manic-depressive) psychosis and schizophrenia"

"In the short term, marijuana use impairs perception, judgment, thinking, memory, and learning; memory defects may persist six weeks after last use. Mental disorders connected with marijuana use merit their own category in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) IV, published by the American Psychiatric Association. These include Cannabis Intoxication (consisting of impaired motor coordination, anxiety, impaired judgment, sensation of slowed time, social withdrawal, and often includes perceptual disturbances; Cannabis Intoxication Delirium (memory deficit, disorientation); Cannabis Induced Psychotic Disorder, Delusions; Cannabis Induced Psychotic Disorder, Hallucinations; and Cannabis Induced Anxiety Disorder.

In addition, marijuana use has many indirect effects on health. Its effect on coordination, perception, and judgment means that it causes a number of accidents, vehicular and otherwise."

"The main respiratory consequences of smoking marijuana regularly (one joint a day) are pulmonary infections and respiratory cancer, whose connection to marijuana use has been strongly suggested but not conclusively proven. The effects also include chronic bronchitis, impairment in the function of the smaller air passages, inflammation of the lung, the development of potentially pre-cancerous abnormalities in the bronchial lining and lungs, and, as discussed, a reduction in the capabilities of many defensive mechanisms within the lungs."

"The most potent argument against the use of marijuana to treat medical disorders is that marijuana may cause the acceleration or aggravation of the very disorders it is being used to treat.

Smoking marijuana regularly (a joint a day) can damage the cells in the bronchial passages which protect the body against inhaled microorganisms and decrease the ability of the immune cells in the lungs to fight off fungi, bacteria, and tumor cells. For patients with already weakened immune systems, this means an increase in the possibility of dangerous pulmonary infections, including pneumonia, which often proves fatal in AIDS patients.

Studies further suggest that marijuana is a general "immunosuppressant" whose degenerative influence extends beyond the respiratory system. Regular smoking has been shown to materially affect the overall ability of the smoker’s body to defend itself against infection by weakening various natural immune mechanisms, including macrophages (a.k.a. "killer cells") and the all-important T-cells. Obviously, this suggests the conclusion, which is well-supported by scientific studies, that the use of marijuana as a medical therapy can and does have a very serious negative effect on patients with pre-existing immune deficits resulting from AIDS, organ transplantation, or cancer chemotherapy, the very conditions for which marijuana has most often been touted and suggested as a treatment. It has also been shown that marijuana use can accelerate the progression of HIV to full-blown AIDS and increase the occurrence of infections and Kaposis sarcoma. In addition, patients with weak immune systems will be even less able to defend themselves against the various respiratory cancers and conditions to which consistent marijuana use has been linked, and which are discussed briefly under "Respiratory Illnesses."

Am feeling tired of this age group in me, bored of mental state and annoyed of this job. Actually all thia is about job but its paying...its paying my bills and its making me stay active. I hate 9 to 5 style job, and love to have something of my own...but its a new country, yes after 13 months its still new and it bother my life. I want some purpose and some happiness in my work, be it production, styling or anything. This job at veoh is no happinessa dn it sucks. I have noone to share my problems with and I have no one to keep me relaxed.

Situation at home is not evry happy and relaxed either and it sucks more than job. Atleast at work I am myself, quite and doing somthing which am required to do...but I dont even know what I do at home...'HE' is same as usual...hard human to please and stupid man to understand. I cant write more here about this...I cant.

I need to work and live, but now meanings of living are changing and almost gone from my hand.

I want to sit quietly and think about my own self which is more than impossible thing for me, atleast at this point of my life.

I have been waiting for a job since the day I have arrived in America and I have tried where and what not to get a simple fucking job, I worked for free so that I can make connections and get some more work and I have worked on unwanted jobs, worked thru agencies and applied for many many jobs which sometimes don't even interest me, but result I was jobless, So I started making a documentary on my own, which did helped me calm down but again I need money to do lots of things and I need people to work for me and help me doing things as I don't know how to edit and write in so called proper way.
I have been trying to learn editing and guess what I am able to at least capture and choose the clips (yes, I never went to film school) I enrolled to learn editing in Adult community school and it is not costing me much either, but now I have got a offer for one month's gig. Its not paying great but not bad either. Now I cant attend community school cos its interrupting my job...weird for me thought do understand the basics of it. The funniest part is this that my job is for month or month and half and school is for month and half too. I don't want to drop anything out of these two, don't know what to do also, but guess this is what its all about.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!