Ghungroo - The Bells

I cant sleep, actually I am refusing to sleep...I have no idea why, but may be I am not confessing the reasons to myself...I should be sleeping at this time, its almost 3 and when I have to be up to get ready for work at 5.45 - 6.00 am...

let it go V...letting it go is not easy but easiness follows it.

HE feels good about something, and right away HE start feeling guilty about feeling good. Dear, this in your mind set to feel bad for yourself!

Start letting it go...

Some people don't deserve second chance, but then who am I to decide? Well I think I should decide because, I am the same person who give the chance to this jerk, who I invited to be part of my life, whatever way...

I should not think weirdly about him anymore and I should concentrate on fun parts of the evening, rather than sad after thoughts....grrrr...

Vim....let go!!!

Tattoo - the same ink thingy on skin, I used to dislike. For me, it was a way to kill the beauty of clear and clean skin. Right now I love looking at tattoos; I enjoy detailing of tattoos. Okay, I am changing; my thoughts are changing for few things in life, cause I am enjoying exploring new ways to look at things. Before I never paid attention to the feeling of keeping a memory in this way, I never imagined living a moment in it, I never loved the details and fantasy of having that ink printed on my skin. I am the same person, but something inside me has changed and I am looking at the world with more acceptances, with open heart. Right now, I am so crazily excited to get a tattoo on my skin, that it’s hard to put the excitement in words.

First time, the excitement of tattoo felt like a wave inside me, about a month ago, and then I killed the excitement with my own judgmental thoughts. About a week ago, when I went to a meditation class with 'J' I felt that feeling again. I couldn’t control the feeling and shared with J at the end of the class. He was the only one available around me, who I was familiar with or may be because he has his arms full of tattoos or maybe I thought he will understand my thought; maybe he did understand or maybe not, who cares! Well he did think it was a funky idea for me, which I guess it was.

Moments spent in meditation brought memory back from the days of my yoga and meditation sessions from back home: open parks, early mornings, and many old people; with lots of love and care in their eyes. I missed Chandigarh, and Silvi Park. This meditation was relaxing; I thoroughly enjoyed it, maybe because it was distraction from normal schedule. I felt my heart racing and at peace at the same time. While my eyes were closed, I saw images of my old life, including my life in India and the moments with my ex-husband, and then I saw the best moment out of all, of leaving him, also the way I came out of that marriage. Seeing that strong moment of a strong self took me to another level of meditation.

I was still lost in that moment when I heard bell…time was up! I opened my eyes, in front of my blurry eyes; I saw many faces, many bodies, mostly full of tattoos. I moved my head to right, towards ‘J’, he was smiling as usual, and then I noticed his arms, un-counted tattoos. I missed the feeling of strong moment of strong self, and that very moment, I decided to stamp a tattoo on my body, for the very first time. I felt good about the feeling of living, sharing and showing that hidden strong person in a little signage … Does this sound cheesy? Not to me, but probably it is cheesy for many of my acquaintances...

~V

Hair were tangled

Body was relaxed

Lips were sore

Eyes were half shut.

Mind couldn’t decide –

To think about it…

Or to stop it...

He was in front of me,

I was lost,

In his ash eyes, in his tattooed arms…



Vim
Taft house
February 25, 2009